Numb or Overcome?

It can be so hard to determine whether we have become "numb" or whether we have "overcome."  I am finding that it is a delicate line we walk as followers of Christ when it comes to "traumatic" feelings and experiences.  Let us attest to the fact that because we were all created differently, and in God's image, that we (and Him) are the only ones that can define what in our lives receives the label of "traumatic."  Few things bother me more than when I overhear someone telling someone else to just "get over it" or "move on."  It desensitizes our feelings and labels our heart's cries as illegitimate.  No human being can presume to know what is going on in our hearts and minds when we hurt.  The Lord can.  We cannot.  The rate and thoroughness at which we process through pain and healing is set by the Father.  And this, friends, is why we must allow ourselves grace.  It is a fine line we walk between when we "overcome" and when we become "numb."  And dare I say that at times we have no idea on which side of the line we fall. 

Because of the way the Lord has wired my feelings and emotions, and because of the way I cannot help but love others deeply (both a blessing and a handicap,) I have found that most of the trauma I endure is as a result of relationships... with family, with friends, and with the Lord.  I was once told to never expect anyone to love me as much as I love them.  While this brought me peace in the moment (and an answer as to my frequent disappointments,) I later realized the lie this planted in my heart.  It was a subtle belief that deep down, no one would ever have the capacity to love ALL of me.  And since I felt I had evidence of this in my life, I took it as truth.  This can lead to a spiral of downward thoughts that the enemy would love for me to believe. 

Once I began to allow the Lord into this space of lies, the enemy began to flee.  As the wrath of rejection is finally beginning to wear off, I am once again standing on the truth: that I AM HIS.  And because I belong to Him, and because He created me to bring glory to Himself, I am beloved.  Not only to the Father, but to those around me, whether they see it or not.  Whether or not someone's actions fulfill this prophecy is irrelevant.  The world does not always reflect truth.  He delights in me.  He can't WAIT to be around me, He can't WAIT to spend time with me.  He thinks I am beautiful, unique, precious, valuable, lovely, and loving.  Believing there is no contradiction in how He created me is paramount.  He didn't create me to bring joy to Himself and no one else.  And He doesn't understand why, at times, others can't see me in the same light.  He doesn't "get" it when people give up on me, or why they can't see me like He does.  When it comes to broken relationships in the body of Christ, I can only imagine Him calmly and quietly convincing us of His creation's goodness... of His people's value.

And so the battle wears on in this fallen world.  Some days I feel the Lord's presence so strongly it's all I can think about.  And some days I feel the rejection so strongly I wonder if I've made any progress at all.  And some days I choose to feel nothing.  Some days remaining "numb" is better than fighting the battle.  It is on these days that I can't decide if I have "overcome" the lies, or if I have become "numb" to them. 

I think the answer is this: to remain in constant communion with the Father is the only way to overcome.  "Overcome" is not a noun, but a verb.  It is not a state we reach, but a battle we fight.  Numbness is a breeding ground for the enemy's lies.  When we choose to feel nothing, the Father's light cannot fight the darkness away.  So, let us fight the battle, no matter how exhausting.  Let us not think for a moment we can choose to stand anywhere but facing the Father.  So He can remind us constantly of the truth of who we are.  He does not tire of reminding us of how much He loves us.  The world does.  People do.  So often relationships fall apart because we can't stand reminding the other person AGAIN that we love them.  Gosh darnit why can't we just believe it??  When we want to hear it just one more time, get just one more reminder, let us go to the Father, who will never run out of loving words to share with our hearts.

                  "I lean not on my own understanding, my life is in the hands of the Maker of heaven.  I give it all to You, God, trusting that You'll make something beautiful out of me." - Will Reagan