Easter Bunny vs. Santa Claus

I found myself pondering this weekend... which holiday is really more significant?  I have noticed over the past few years that I have almost reluctantly admitted to "liking" Christmas better than Easter, while feeling a little bit guilty about it.  Seriously, Christ rising from the dead is CLEARLY the holiday we should celebrate more.  As I have matured in my faith and understanding of the two holidays and what they symbolize, I began to feel like a "bad Christian" to enjoy Christmas more.  Sure, sure... at first it is easy to attribute it to commercialization and carols and lights.  After all, the only thing that really comes with Easter is a giant bunny and maybe a chocolate egg.

I have sort of always fought the truth of "Jesus was REALLY born in July," and "the traditions we celebrate today have nothing to do with Christ and really aren't even an accurate representation of historical tradition." There are a lot of "grinches" out there, and they can certainly rob Christmas of its joy.  But the Christmas we see is not the important part.  When the trees and presents and cookies are stripped away, we realize what we are celebrating was the fact that God came to the earth as a HUMAN.  If Jesus hadn't come into the world as a human being, it wouldn't have mattered.  Long ago, at the fall of man, sin entered the world.  Because God cannot exist in the presence of sin (He is too Holy) a ransom had to be made to atone for that which tainted the perfect.  The consequence of sin to us is death (both physically and eternally.)  Now, unfortunately, we had no way out... until Jesus came.  He died so we wouldn't have to.  When this happened, he became like us (human) and died in our place to pay what we owed.  This was required in order to restore OUR relationship with the Father.  If He had come any other way, it wouldn't have mattered, because what we owed for our sin could not be paid in any way other than the "human way."  This is what we celebrate at Christmas.  This year, I am focusing on more than Christ as a baby.  I am focusing on His humanity.  Sometimes I look down at my hands and imagine Christ looking down at His own, human hands in the same way.  It blows me away.  He was perfectly God and perfectly human, and that is why He can be the link between us (perfectly human) and God (perfectly God.)  Without Him, we wouldn't have stood a chance.

Disclaimer: Don't get me wrong, Easter is important too.  But let us remember that there could not have been an Easter without a Christmas first.  Let us not lessen ANYTHING God has done for us!

      

Close

                            (Picture taken in South Africa... they just couldn't get close enough!)

One of my favorite things about kids is how much they teach us about the Father  And how they hold up a mirror reflecting things about ourselves that we've either forgotten or don't care to admit.  I have noticed something lately... and that is how children want to be close to the people in their lives.  Here, I am talking about a physical closeness, although I believe emotional closeness plays a part as well.  Along with the cold weather comes colds.  And that means snotty noses, hacking coughs, and nastiness galore.  Spending 8 hours a day in an incubator of germs makes you aware of many things, including your desperate desire to stay AWAY from all the boogers.  All that aside... I have found myself trying to keep a little more distance between myself and the kids at school lately.  I have been sick and so have they.  In my efforts to create some space, I have noticed how desperately they just want to be close to me.  If I scoot a little further over, so do they.  They want to hold my hand, and hug, and sit as close to me as possible during reading time.  If my lap was big enough I swear they would all be on top of me.  In the mornings during devotionals, a little boy sometimes likes to lean up against me while we sing... it is so precious.  This desire to be "close" can reveal so much about our longings to be known and loved.  That is really what it boils down to.  They are wanting to be loved.   

This is how we should be with our Father.  We should long to be close to Him, to feel His skin, to touch His face.  He will not scoot away.  He will always hold our hand.  He will hold us when we are sad and tired and want to rest.  And He doesn't mind our boogers:)

Birthdays

Birthdays are funny... some people love them, some people hate them.  Sometimes they make you happy and sometimes they make you sad.  Either way, birthdays cause you to reflect on your life and who/what is important to you.  I celebrated my 27th birthday a little over a week ago.  It was a Monday, like any other Monday... I went to school, had a pretty normal day, came home, took a nap, ate dinner with my parents, and went to bed early so I could start the routine all over again the next day.  There were many happy moments during my day when I felt celebrated.  Six-year-old's are especially good at being honest and making a big deal out of the fact that you are turning a year older.  I received homemade cards, gift certificates, cookies, and hugs.  There were many nice things said to me like: "Happy birthday Miss Hall!  I love you, you are the best teacher I have ever had!" and "I like that you look so pretty everyday!" and "I like you because you take us to recess!"  All of them blessed me. 

Driving home from school that day, however, the deep sadness came.  As I thought about the past year and the people I love so dearly, my heart experienced deep sadness that can only come with true realization that you messed some things up.  It broke me.  Tears streamed down my face as the joy of being surrounded by first graders who think you are the best thing since sliced bread to those I had hurt and let down during the past year.  It was hard to celebrate in light of the pain and heartache this brought.  But then the Lord gave me a very sweet, true picture.  It was of Him celebrating me in Heaven.  He was jumping up and down with a smile on His face... dancing with me and telling me of all the beauty and joy He created in me.  He delighted in who I was and in everything about me.  He was proud, even though I had made mistakes and let Him down... He was proud of who I was.  And then, nothing else mattered.  It didn't matter who celebrated me or what my past mistakes said about me... HE was celebrating me like no one else ever could.  If I could have gone to Heaven for just that day and celebrated with Jesus, I would have.  He was the only One I really wanted to be with.  And then, another realization came to me.  He celebrates me like this EVERYday, not just on my birthday.  He celebrates me because He made me exactly who He wanted me to be, and He is perfect and doesn't make mistakes.  His smile is always that big when He thinks about me.  He sings "Happy Birthday" to me everyday in His heart.  And for that, I am forever thankful.  May I always find joy in how celebrated I am by the Father!

Never Let Go

This song by David Crowder Band has been the cry of my heart for quite some time now.  Wanted to share the lyrics...

"Never Let Go"

When clouds veil sun, And disaster comes  
Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul  
When waters rise, And hope takes flight  
Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul Oh, my soul
 
Ever faithful Ever true  
You I know  
You never let go  

You never let go You never let go You never let go
 
When clouds brought rain, And disaster came  
Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul  
When waters rose, And hope had flown  
Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul  
Oh, my soul
 
Oh, my soul overflows  
Oh, what love, oh, what love  
Oh, my soul fills with hope 
Perfect love that never lets go
 
Oh, what love, oh, what love Oh, what love
Oh, what love  
In joy and pain  
In sun and rain  
You're the same  
Oh, You never let go

Trust in the Perfect

I had an interesting assignment this week for school.  We keep a journal of weekly devotions and post them online for discussion.  This week, one of the questions was: "Why do you think it is so difficult for us to trust in God's goodness and mercy?"

My response was this: I think it is difficult to trust in God's goodness and mercy for two main reasons: 1) we like to be the ones in control and 2) worldly love is always conditional to some degree.  If we trust in His goodness and mercy, we are allowing ourselves to be the beneficiaries of something that we don't deserve.  We are accepting something from the Most Holy and what He gives and takes away is beyond our control.  By trusting in and accepting this goodness, we are relinquishing control on a personal level.  Why?  Because nothing we did made us deserve these gifts.

The love we experience on earth is not comparable to God's love.  Nothing can come close to the love He offers us.  We are tempted to engage in a love relationship with the Lord as we do our other relationships... because that's what we know.  We are being called to participate in something we have never done before.  Be easy on yourself, you won't get it perfect.  Here is the difference: We can never fully trust a fallen human being (and we are ALL fallen.)  We can, however, trust our perfect Lord.  He is spotless and holy and always will be.  It is difficult to learn to trust God in this sense because it is an entirely different kind of love.  Essentially, we are trusting in something we will never fully understand.  And we must be ok with that.  Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it's not real.  The kind of trust we have in the Lord will never survive a human relationship.  Your expectations will always be too high, and you will always be disappointed.  You cannot trust others to love you perfectly because they are imperfect.  What you can do is choose to love anyway.  And even when you get hurt, even when others let you down, even when the Lord is the only one you can lean on... you can love them anyway.

    

Able and Willing

Since graduating from college with a business degree four years ago, I have dabbled in many things career-wise.  I served at a restaurant,  worked at Starbucks, did some marketing for a ministry, tried accounting and bookkeeping at a couple different places, worked as a full-time nanny...  I think I knew in my heart that none of these things were what God was calling me to do forever.  But I also knew the Lord was having me wait for a reason.  Sure, I felt discouraged some of the time.  And a couple of the jobs I in all honesty did not enjoy.  But all of the experiences and people I met along the way have help shaped me into the person God is wanting me to become.  I can see certain sides of me that were developed and tested while I was in specific seasons of having specific jobs.  And these aspects are helping me to be the best at the career path I am now on... teaching.  By serving people at Starbucks and working in the restaurant business, I learned the importance of a positive attitude and how even strangers just want to be known.  A simple smile opened up doorways to people's hearts.  I still remember several customers and think of them often.  I have prayed for them and they have shared deep and personal parts of their lives with me.  All the while they had no reason to even trust me... I was just a stranger.  But they wanted to be known.  And I continue to hope that the interactions I had with people stirred a deeper desire, the desire to be known by Someone who already KNOWS.  The babysitting and working as a nanny and amount of time I have spent with the children in my life has taught me more than I can even fully comprehend.  Patience... HA!  Thankful to have that under my belt as I corral 47 first graders for lunch and recess:)  A child's heart is like nothing else on this earth.  The honesty, transparency, genuineness, care, and delight in a child's heart is what the Father desires of me.  I love the children I have taken care of more than words.  There were times when I would get tears in my eyes simply because I loved them so much.  Even when they were rascals... I just couldn't love them less.  And I know FULL well this did not come from my heart of flesh.  It came from the Lord's heart in and for me.  Being able to experience life with these children on a daily basis showed me more than I ever could have anticipated.  I still love these kids more than my own heart can understand.  All the while though, I knew it was a season the Lord was allowing me to walk through.  While I was fully capable (or at least I thought I was) I knew taking care of children in this context wasn't going to last forever.  I hate change, so naturally I didn't want it to end.  It was exhausting in many ways, and the life it was giving me wasn't sustainable long-term.  But I know that the Lord used that season to mold my heart into what was needed to teach...
Here are some of the sweet, funny, precious children that have been in my life in a major way.

Matthew Doudt Photography

And then this summer, the Lord literally dropped into my lap what I have been dreaming of all along.  A position at the school I have been longing to teach at for years.  I just knew the first time I walked in the doors of this school that the Lord had something for me there.  I didn't know what, I didn't know how, and I didn't know when.  So I waited.  And it was hard.  I didn't even know they were hiring, they called me!  I was hired less than 48 hours after the initial phone call.  I was hired in the grade I wanted to teach, in a position that is perfect for me, at the school I wanted to be at (they have two locations) and even knew many of the children and parents I would be working with!  I couldn't have come up with a better plan even if I wanted to.  It was purely a blessing from the Lord.  And I am continually amazed by His goodness.  I am currently finishing up my classes to get my teaching license (which I began about a year ago.)  I have always known in my heart I was going teach children.  I majored in education for a while and changed back and forth.  There is so much more to the perfection of this testimony.  Still not even quite sure how to put it into words.  My point is this: sometimes, I think God wants to see He can trust us with our abilities before He releases us into our gifts.  There are things He wants to develop in us to get us "ready" because I tell ya what... it's a wild ride!  He is faithful to complete what He starts in you.  So if you find yourself discouraged because you don't quite feel that you're doing what you were created to do... it's ok.  Focus on WHO He is creating you to be and not WHAT He's creating you to do.  It will all come together if you can just hang in there...

Fancy WHAT?!?

Ok, time for a funny post.  Teaching in first grade is quickly showing me that 6-year-old's are in their prime of being funny while not trying to be.  It is stories like this that get me through the tough days...

I have a young man in class who is exactly that... a little man.  He is very sensitive and particular and is just hilarious.  His mother was telling me a story about a vocabulary word he just can't quite grasp.  The word is "hangers"...  as in clothes hangers.  He calls them "hookers," and is especially fond of the padded ones that don't cause your sleeves to have bumps.  He has been told over and over that they are called "hangers" not "hookers" but he just can't seem to remember.  One day, instead of asking about going to the store to buy some new padded clothes hangers, he asked his mom if they could go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to pick up some "fancy hookers."  Good thing you're six kid...

Don't Be So Concerned

"... even the thought of seeking God is a step toward our transformation.  Still, we often do not notice the first signs of our spiritual renewal, for as we grow increasingly more aware of God, we simultaneously grow increasingly less aware of ourselves.  Though we may not see that we are changing, others certainly will."  - Francis Frangipane

Wow.  Reading that this afternoon gave me hope from a perspective I have not been privy to in the past.  I think what Frangipane is trying to say here is that as we draw nearer to God, we are getting further from being concerned about ourselves and our own interests.  As we begin to live life closer to the One who created us, we will change whether we notice it or not.  As we get closer, we become more focused on the Lord and less focused on how it effects us.  This is probably why you will notice that the people who inspire and influence you most in your walk with the Lord often do not intend to and are often surprised if you tell them.  So, if you are trying desperately to seek the Lord but don't feel satisfied... GOOD.  If you felt satisfied you would no longer be hungry.  Keep that desperation.  Trust that when you are seeking Him, you don't need to be concerned with changing "enough" because then the focus is on you instead of Him.  If you feel like you aren't making any ground... it's ok.  You might just be focusing on the Lord enough to not allow yourself to see what's really happening in your own world yet.   

What Are You Praying to Find?

I am coming out of a season that required me to pray like never before.  There were times when I felt like it was the only thing I could turn to... the only thing I could "do."  The funny thing about prayer is that it really isn't for God, it's for us.  We tend to think that praising Him, lifting up our burdens, and asking for the desires of our heart is in some way going to earn us a little extra favor with the Big Man Upstairs.  Not true.  There is nothing we can do, of ourselves, to win extra brownie points.  He loves me the same as He did yesterday, today, and He will love me that much tomorrow too.  There have been burdens in my life that I would pray for ceaselessly... sometimes thinking that this one extra prayer might just be it... it might just be the one to move God to action.   More often times than not, it doesn't work that way.  But I will tell you one thing, the more prayer that goes into a circumstance, the more God will allow me to consider His perspective and the more peace He will bring to my heart.  Why?  Because when we pray our hearts are knitted a little more tightly to our Father's.  Not because of the act of prayer, but because through prayer a relationship gets stronger.  He understands me more than I even understand myself.  That will never change.  But Lord, there is SO much I don't yet know about You.  When we have a conversation with the Lord, we get to know Him better.  Shocking revelation... I know.  And one important thing that is becoming life to my dry bones is believing that when I know Him, the rest simply makes more sense.  When we seek answers to our questions or solutions to our problems, we are expecting just that... an answer or a solution.  In my life, vast majority of the time, the Lord matures and makes me more like Himself through a process, not an answer.  With a process there is an experience, with an answer there is an answer.  If you tell me 4+4 equals 8 that's fine, I now know the answer to a simple addition problem.  But if you tell me HOW and WHY the answer is 8, and if I can add the numbers on my own, I will know answers to lots of problems.  Follow?  So, next time you pray and your heart is heavy before Him, try seeking HIM instead of the answer.  Don't worry, He will tell you about Himself (Matthew 7:8.)  I bet you will not only find your solution, but you will come to know Him better.  And next time, when you have a question, you may find that you already have the answer:)       

Here Goes...

I have never done a blog before... so I think I'll give it a whirl.  I really like to write and I also find that when I write things I've learned, I process them better and that usually results in applying them to life in a more "real" way.  Not really sure yet what this will entail... so consider my blog like "a box a chocolates."  I may share something funny from experiences with my first graders.  I may share something I learned from someone else that changed my life.  I may share what the Lord is teaching me.  I may share a knock-knock joke... I like to keep people on their toes:)  So, here is my attempt at documenting the trials and triumphs of a life that is never as easy as it could, should, or would be.  But that's life.  Here's to finding calm in the calamity!