Never Let Go

This song by David Crowder Band has been the cry of my heart for quite some time now.  Wanted to share the lyrics...

"Never Let Go"

When clouds veil sun, And disaster comes  
Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul  
When waters rise, And hope takes flight  
Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul Oh, my soul
 
Ever faithful Ever true  
You I know  
You never let go  

You never let go You never let go You never let go
 
When clouds brought rain, And disaster came  
Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul  
When waters rose, And hope had flown  
Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul  
Oh, my soul
 
Oh, my soul overflows  
Oh, what love, oh, what love  
Oh, my soul fills with hope 
Perfect love that never lets go
 
Oh, what love, oh, what love Oh, what love
Oh, what love  
In joy and pain  
In sun and rain  
You're the same  
Oh, You never let go

Trust in the Perfect

I had an interesting assignment this week for school.  We keep a journal of weekly devotions and post them online for discussion.  This week, one of the questions was: "Why do you think it is so difficult for us to trust in God's goodness and mercy?"

My response was this: I think it is difficult to trust in God's goodness and mercy for two main reasons: 1) we like to be the ones in control and 2) worldly love is always conditional to some degree.  If we trust in His goodness and mercy, we are allowing ourselves to be the beneficiaries of something that we don't deserve.  We are accepting something from the Most Holy and what He gives and takes away is beyond our control.  By trusting in and accepting this goodness, we are relinquishing control on a personal level.  Why?  Because nothing we did made us deserve these gifts.

The love we experience on earth is not comparable to God's love.  Nothing can come close to the love He offers us.  We are tempted to engage in a love relationship with the Lord as we do our other relationships... because that's what we know.  We are being called to participate in something we have never done before.  Be easy on yourself, you won't get it perfect.  Here is the difference: We can never fully trust a fallen human being (and we are ALL fallen.)  We can, however, trust our perfect Lord.  He is spotless and holy and always will be.  It is difficult to learn to trust God in this sense because it is an entirely different kind of love.  Essentially, we are trusting in something we will never fully understand.  And we must be ok with that.  Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it's not real.  The kind of trust we have in the Lord will never survive a human relationship.  Your expectations will always be too high, and you will always be disappointed.  You cannot trust others to love you perfectly because they are imperfect.  What you can do is choose to love anyway.  And even when you get hurt, even when others let you down, even when the Lord is the only one you can lean on... you can love them anyway.

    

Able and Willing

Since graduating from college with a business degree four years ago, I have dabbled in many things career-wise.  I served at a restaurant,  worked at Starbucks, did some marketing for a ministry, tried accounting and bookkeeping at a couple different places, worked as a full-time nanny...  I think I knew in my heart that none of these things were what God was calling me to do forever.  But I also knew the Lord was having me wait for a reason.  Sure, I felt discouraged some of the time.  And a couple of the jobs I in all honesty did not enjoy.  But all of the experiences and people I met along the way have help shaped me into the person God is wanting me to become.  I can see certain sides of me that were developed and tested while I was in specific seasons of having specific jobs.  And these aspects are helping me to be the best at the career path I am now on... teaching.  By serving people at Starbucks and working in the restaurant business, I learned the importance of a positive attitude and how even strangers just want to be known.  A simple smile opened up doorways to people's hearts.  I still remember several customers and think of them often.  I have prayed for them and they have shared deep and personal parts of their lives with me.  All the while they had no reason to even trust me... I was just a stranger.  But they wanted to be known.  And I continue to hope that the interactions I had with people stirred a deeper desire, the desire to be known by Someone who already KNOWS.  The babysitting and working as a nanny and amount of time I have spent with the children in my life has taught me more than I can even fully comprehend.  Patience... HA!  Thankful to have that under my belt as I corral 47 first graders for lunch and recess:)  A child's heart is like nothing else on this earth.  The honesty, transparency, genuineness, care, and delight in a child's heart is what the Father desires of me.  I love the children I have taken care of more than words.  There were times when I would get tears in my eyes simply because I loved them so much.  Even when they were rascals... I just couldn't love them less.  And I know FULL well this did not come from my heart of flesh.  It came from the Lord's heart in and for me.  Being able to experience life with these children on a daily basis showed me more than I ever could have anticipated.  I still love these kids more than my own heart can understand.  All the while though, I knew it was a season the Lord was allowing me to walk through.  While I was fully capable (or at least I thought I was) I knew taking care of children in this context wasn't going to last forever.  I hate change, so naturally I didn't want it to end.  It was exhausting in many ways, and the life it was giving me wasn't sustainable long-term.  But I know that the Lord used that season to mold my heart into what was needed to teach...
Here are some of the sweet, funny, precious children that have been in my life in a major way.

Matthew Doudt Photography

And then this summer, the Lord literally dropped into my lap what I have been dreaming of all along.  A position at the school I have been longing to teach at for years.  I just knew the first time I walked in the doors of this school that the Lord had something for me there.  I didn't know what, I didn't know how, and I didn't know when.  So I waited.  And it was hard.  I didn't even know they were hiring, they called me!  I was hired less than 48 hours after the initial phone call.  I was hired in the grade I wanted to teach, in a position that is perfect for me, at the school I wanted to be at (they have two locations) and even knew many of the children and parents I would be working with!  I couldn't have come up with a better plan even if I wanted to.  It was purely a blessing from the Lord.  And I am continually amazed by His goodness.  I am currently finishing up my classes to get my teaching license (which I began about a year ago.)  I have always known in my heart I was going teach children.  I majored in education for a while and changed back and forth.  There is so much more to the perfection of this testimony.  Still not even quite sure how to put it into words.  My point is this: sometimes, I think God wants to see He can trust us with our abilities before He releases us into our gifts.  There are things He wants to develop in us to get us "ready" because I tell ya what... it's a wild ride!  He is faithful to complete what He starts in you.  So if you find yourself discouraged because you don't quite feel that you're doing what you were created to do... it's ok.  Focus on WHO He is creating you to be and not WHAT He's creating you to do.  It will all come together if you can just hang in there...