I began reading Luke 18 and was struck in a different way by verses 18-30 (about the rich ruler.) In my previous endeavors to explore this particular piece of text, I didn't get much further than this: "Jesus calls us not to worship money, but to worship Him. He wants us to use our riches for good (others) and to be willing to give up all we have to follow Him." True interpretation? Sure, there is truth to it. But there is so much more to this story than the shell. I find myself pondering: What are my riches? Being a second year assistant first grade teacher, my salary doesn't exactly have me "rolling in the dough" as some might say. I am blessed, don't get me wrong, and I have abundantly beyond what I need. But I don't find myself distracted by all the dinero flowing out of my pockets. So what might this mean for me? If the Lord asked me to sell my stuff and empty my bank account for Him, would I? Honestly, I don't know. I hope that I would. But where I begin to get more caught up is this idea of forfeiting whatever it is that makes me FEEL "rich." At different points in my life, I would attribute my vast "wealth" to my friendships, my education, my career, my family... What if God asked me to leave those things and follow Him? Thus enters my holy conviction...
Over the past year or so of my life, I have had many ups and downs. Relationships, friends, career concerns, positions of leadership, faith... you name it... it's all been shaken. Some of these struggles have been public knowledge and some have not. I suppose a way to put my feelings into words would be to describe some of these times as feeling "teased." Some wonderful, redemptive, exciting, new answer to prayer would come a hair shy of coming to fruition, and then would shatter back into a million pieces. Over and over and over. Does the Lord tease? Absolutely not. He teaches. But I will say that some of these experiences required me to swallow my pride and dig for every ounce of humility in me. At times, He is calling me to give up those things which make me feel rich. Those things that matter most to my heart, that influence so much of where I spend my time and energy, were seemingly dangled in front of my face and then snatched away before my fingers could grasp them. And that's just it... I wanted to grasp those things tightly in my hands and never let them go again. I wanted them to be under my command and control, so that I could continue to drain them of the fulfillment and happiness for which I was so thirsty. It just doesn't work that way. After (hopefully coming out of) a season of disappointment, depression, and darkness, I will trust You with the healing, restoration, and glorification of those things which were seemingly lost. You are a God of hope, a God of peace, and a God of fixing broken things.
Any blessing we are given, we are entrusted with to turn back to His glory. These beautiful things must be held with open hands. Otherwise, we will suffocate them, for they cannot breathe when squeezed so tightly. We can come close, and even at times hold something while slowly tightening our grasp. For our own good, the Lord will not allow this. He will only permit our joy and fulfillment to come from His goodness. It is the only thing we will not and cannot suck dry.
Thank you Lord, for using these experiences to train us to acquire a taste only for You. Teach us to turn every blessing back to You.
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