A New Beginning

I have a confession to make.  I hate New Year's Eve.  And it comes... every year.  I have tried so hard to enjoy this night... a night of endings and beginnings... but I always seem to meet the face of disappointment in the end.  Maybe it's because I have never received a "New Year's kiss," or I inevitably have one too many drinks, or I don't want to say "goodbye" to what the year has brought, or "hello" to a new year's uncertainty and change.  Whatever the reason, I'm attempting to turn my views around this year.  Because I have every reason to believe that there is good in my future, that I will have beautiful people in my life, that I will see more light than darkness, and that I will get at least one step closer to becoming who I am supposed to be.

New Year's is a funny celebration, if you ask me, because you are celebrating something new.  We celebrate a beginning, something untested, uncertain... ignorantly, without knowing what it will bring.  Perhaps this is why I have a hard time celebrating.  How can I celebrate something that could become good or bad?  Something that could bring joy or devastation?  I find myself caught in the middle of the great debate of hope vs. cynicism.

As humans, our beliefs are formed around our previous encounters and experiences, whether we care to admit it or not.  Most of the time, those in hope's side of the ring have danced with blessings and happiness recently.  Those of us blinded with disappointment, loss, and betrayal are naturally bracing ourselves for more of the same.  A great way to avoid disappointment is to expect nothing.  Life becomes a series of moments tuned into only survival mode.  But not me, not this year.

This year I am in hope's side of the ring.  I am choosing to buy into the idea that life is taking me somewhere... that I am here on this earth because earth would not be the same without me.  I am the only one who can be beautiful me.  While up's and down's and inevitable, they both fight towards the same goal... character.  We choose how we respond to our circumstances.  And I want to be one whose circumstances don't define who they are.  I want to be one who dreams, one who loves, one who believes in the beauty of others regardless of what happens around them. 

Without dark there can be no light, without struggle there can be no perseverance and without doubt there can be no hope.  There has to be a counter balance to everything, because that is what creates choice.  I choose hope, not because I have to.  I choose hope because there is already enough who doubt... and a world without hope, a heart without hope... doesn't stand a chance.