Brave

After quite a hiatus, I have returned!  The past 6-12 months have been busy, hectic, exhausting, and trying... but have also included moments filled with great joy, laughter, and gratefulness.  I am happy to say that I have completed my graduate program preparing me to become a better teacher.  All the while I have been working a new full-time job, remaining active in numerous classes/ Bible studies, continuing as a member on the worship team, and playing on a flag football team!  (And this, just to name a few things.)  The important thing to mention is not that I felt forced to take all of this on, but that I felt called to remain obedient to those things the Lord was not asking me to cut out of my life for whatever reason.  Sure, I could have made this time easier on myself, but the Lord knew the support these people and activities provided was monumental in my "making it to the end."  It was intimidating, overwhelming, and at times exhausting.  But during this time in my life, the Lord was requiring something new of me... BRAVERY.  For me this meant relying on the Lord with lots new things, and without the support and people I to which I had grown accustomed.  At the end of the day, I know life will continue to bring trials, but I feel better equipped and more confident in the Lord's ability to lead me to high land amidst rising waters.

Psalm 31:24 - "Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait and hope for and expect the Lord!"

Webster defines courage as "mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty."  The Lord tells us to let our hearts take courage in those things for which we do not yet have clarity.  For me, this was entering a time of fire while certain circumstances of my life caused what I knew to practically disappear in an instant.  My heart was confused and crushed and was then required to have courage?!?  It seemed nearly impossible.  However, had things gone as I would have planned, I would not have had to rely on the Lord.  I would have done things in my own power, forfeiting all the Lord had for me.  Being brave can mean different things for each person and their individual lives.  For my little buddy Henry, who is now in remission after a difficult battle with leukemia, being brave meant trusting his Jesus, parents, and doctors as he suffered from pain not understanding why.  For the single mother fighting the daily battle of raising Godly children, being brave can mean forcing yourself out of bed and taking on yet another day full of activities, work, cooking, cleaning... alone.  For the one who suffers from chronic pain with no answer or hope of relief, being brave means putting one foot after the other and making it through another day when the reality is, NO one understands how you feel.  For the one heart-broken over a fractured relationship, being brave means allowing the Lord to heal, and trusting in His character to bring light and glory to the situation.  The Lord calls us to be brave for different reasons, but it will undoubtedly cause us to become more confident in what we can do WITH God.  It can be scary, but we have no reason to fear.  He has far better things planned for us than we can even plan for ourselves (Ephesians 3:20.)  When things are tough... be brave and jump in!  The Lord is fighting for you on the front lines. 

Easter Bunny vs. Santa Claus

I found myself pondering this weekend... which holiday is really more significant?  I have noticed over the past few years that I have almost reluctantly admitted to "liking" Christmas better than Easter, while feeling a little bit guilty about it.  Seriously, Christ rising from the dead is CLEARLY the holiday we should celebrate more.  As I have matured in my faith and understanding of the two holidays and what they symbolize, I began to feel like a "bad Christian" to enjoy Christmas more.  Sure, sure... at first it is easy to attribute it to commercialization and carols and lights.  After all, the only thing that really comes with Easter is a giant bunny and maybe a chocolate egg.

I have sort of always fought the truth of "Jesus was REALLY born in July," and "the traditions we celebrate today have nothing to do with Christ and really aren't even an accurate representation of historical tradition." There are a lot of "grinches" out there, and they can certainly rob Christmas of its joy.  But the Christmas we see is not the important part.  When the trees and presents and cookies are stripped away, we realize what we are celebrating was the fact that God came to the earth as a HUMAN.  If Jesus hadn't come into the world as a human being, it wouldn't have mattered.  Long ago, at the fall of man, sin entered the world.  Because God cannot exist in the presence of sin (He is too Holy) a ransom had to be made to atone for that which tainted the perfect.  The consequence of sin to us is death (both physically and eternally.)  Now, unfortunately, we had no way out... until Jesus came.  He died so we wouldn't have to.  When this happened, he became like us (human) and died in our place to pay what we owed.  This was required in order to restore OUR relationship with the Father.  If He had come any other way, it wouldn't have mattered, because what we owed for our sin could not be paid in any way other than the "human way."  This is what we celebrate at Christmas.  This year, I am focusing on more than Christ as a baby.  I am focusing on His humanity.  Sometimes I look down at my hands and imagine Christ looking down at His own, human hands in the same way.  It blows me away.  He was perfectly God and perfectly human, and that is why He can be the link between us (perfectly human) and God (perfectly God.)  Without Him, we wouldn't have stood a chance.

Disclaimer: Don't get me wrong, Easter is important too.  But let us remember that there could not have been an Easter without a Christmas first.  Let us not lessen ANYTHING God has done for us!

      

Close

                            (Picture taken in South Africa... they just couldn't get close enough!)

One of my favorite things about kids is how much they teach us about the Father  And how they hold up a mirror reflecting things about ourselves that we've either forgotten or don't care to admit.  I have noticed something lately... and that is how children want to be close to the people in their lives.  Here, I am talking about a physical closeness, although I believe emotional closeness plays a part as well.  Along with the cold weather comes colds.  And that means snotty noses, hacking coughs, and nastiness galore.  Spending 8 hours a day in an incubator of germs makes you aware of many things, including your desperate desire to stay AWAY from all the boogers.  All that aside... I have found myself trying to keep a little more distance between myself and the kids at school lately.  I have been sick and so have they.  In my efforts to create some space, I have noticed how desperately they just want to be close to me.  If I scoot a little further over, so do they.  They want to hold my hand, and hug, and sit as close to me as possible during reading time.  If my lap was big enough I swear they would all be on top of me.  In the mornings during devotionals, a little boy sometimes likes to lean up against me while we sing... it is so precious.  This desire to be "close" can reveal so much about our longings to be known and loved.  That is really what it boils down to.  They are wanting to be loved.   

This is how we should be with our Father.  We should long to be close to Him, to feel His skin, to touch His face.  He will not scoot away.  He will always hold our hand.  He will hold us when we are sad and tired and want to rest.  And He doesn't mind our boogers:)

Birthdays

Birthdays are funny... some people love them, some people hate them.  Sometimes they make you happy and sometimes they make you sad.  Either way, birthdays cause you to reflect on your life and who/what is important to you.  I celebrated my 27th birthday a little over a week ago.  It was a Monday, like any other Monday... I went to school, had a pretty normal day, came home, took a nap, ate dinner with my parents, and went to bed early so I could start the routine all over again the next day.  There were many happy moments during my day when I felt celebrated.  Six-year-old's are especially good at being honest and making a big deal out of the fact that you are turning a year older.  I received homemade cards, gift certificates, cookies, and hugs.  There were many nice things said to me like: "Happy birthday Miss Hall!  I love you, you are the best teacher I have ever had!" and "I like that you look so pretty everyday!" and "I like you because you take us to recess!"  All of them blessed me. 

Driving home from school that day, however, the deep sadness came.  As I thought about the past year and the people I love so dearly, my heart experienced deep sadness that can only come with true realization that you messed some things up.  It broke me.  Tears streamed down my face as the joy of being surrounded by first graders who think you are the best thing since sliced bread to those I had hurt and let down during the past year.  It was hard to celebrate in light of the pain and heartache this brought.  But then the Lord gave me a very sweet, true picture.  It was of Him celebrating me in Heaven.  He was jumping up and down with a smile on His face... dancing with me and telling me of all the beauty and joy He created in me.  He delighted in who I was and in everything about me.  He was proud, even though I had made mistakes and let Him down... He was proud of who I was.  And then, nothing else mattered.  It didn't matter who celebrated me or what my past mistakes said about me... HE was celebrating me like no one else ever could.  If I could have gone to Heaven for just that day and celebrated with Jesus, I would have.  He was the only One I really wanted to be with.  And then, another realization came to me.  He celebrates me like this EVERYday, not just on my birthday.  He celebrates me because He made me exactly who He wanted me to be, and He is perfect and doesn't make mistakes.  His smile is always that big when He thinks about me.  He sings "Happy Birthday" to me everyday in His heart.  And for that, I am forever thankful.  May I always find joy in how celebrated I am by the Father!

Never Let Go

This song by David Crowder Band has been the cry of my heart for quite some time now.  Wanted to share the lyrics...

"Never Let Go"

When clouds veil sun, And disaster comes  
Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul  
When waters rise, And hope takes flight  
Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul Oh, my soul
 
Ever faithful Ever true  
You I know  
You never let go  

You never let go You never let go You never let go
 
When clouds brought rain, And disaster came  
Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul  
When waters rose, And hope had flown  
Oh, my soul, Oh, my soul  
Oh, my soul
 
Oh, my soul overflows  
Oh, what love, oh, what love  
Oh, my soul fills with hope 
Perfect love that never lets go
 
Oh, what love, oh, what love Oh, what love
Oh, what love  
In joy and pain  
In sun and rain  
You're the same  
Oh, You never let go

Trust in the Perfect

I had an interesting assignment this week for school.  We keep a journal of weekly devotions and post them online for discussion.  This week, one of the questions was: "Why do you think it is so difficult for us to trust in God's goodness and mercy?"

My response was this: I think it is difficult to trust in God's goodness and mercy for two main reasons: 1) we like to be the ones in control and 2) worldly love is always conditional to some degree.  If we trust in His goodness and mercy, we are allowing ourselves to be the beneficiaries of something that we don't deserve.  We are accepting something from the Most Holy and what He gives and takes away is beyond our control.  By trusting in and accepting this goodness, we are relinquishing control on a personal level.  Why?  Because nothing we did made us deserve these gifts.

The love we experience on earth is not comparable to God's love.  Nothing can come close to the love He offers us.  We are tempted to engage in a love relationship with the Lord as we do our other relationships... because that's what we know.  We are being called to participate in something we have never done before.  Be easy on yourself, you won't get it perfect.  Here is the difference: We can never fully trust a fallen human being (and we are ALL fallen.)  We can, however, trust our perfect Lord.  He is spotless and holy and always will be.  It is difficult to learn to trust God in this sense because it is an entirely different kind of love.  Essentially, we are trusting in something we will never fully understand.  And we must be ok with that.  Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it's not real.  The kind of trust we have in the Lord will never survive a human relationship.  Your expectations will always be too high, and you will always be disappointed.  You cannot trust others to love you perfectly because they are imperfect.  What you can do is choose to love anyway.  And even when you get hurt, even when others let you down, even when the Lord is the only one you can lean on... you can love them anyway.

    

Able and Willing

Since graduating from college with a business degree four years ago, I have dabbled in many things career-wise.  I served at a restaurant,  worked at Starbucks, did some marketing for a ministry, tried accounting and bookkeeping at a couple different places, worked as a full-time nanny...  I think I knew in my heart that none of these things were what God was calling me to do forever.  But I also knew the Lord was having me wait for a reason.  Sure, I felt discouraged some of the time.  And a couple of the jobs I in all honesty did not enjoy.  But all of the experiences and people I met along the way have help shaped me into the person God is wanting me to become.  I can see certain sides of me that were developed and tested while I was in specific seasons of having specific jobs.  And these aspects are helping me to be the best at the career path I am now on... teaching.  By serving people at Starbucks and working in the restaurant business, I learned the importance of a positive attitude and how even strangers just want to be known.  A simple smile opened up doorways to people's hearts.  I still remember several customers and think of them often.  I have prayed for them and they have shared deep and personal parts of their lives with me.  All the while they had no reason to even trust me... I was just a stranger.  But they wanted to be known.  And I continue to hope that the interactions I had with people stirred a deeper desire, the desire to be known by Someone who already KNOWS.  The babysitting and working as a nanny and amount of time I have spent with the children in my life has taught me more than I can even fully comprehend.  Patience... HA!  Thankful to have that under my belt as I corral 47 first graders for lunch and recess:)  A child's heart is like nothing else on this earth.  The honesty, transparency, genuineness, care, and delight in a child's heart is what the Father desires of me.  I love the children I have taken care of more than words.  There were times when I would get tears in my eyes simply because I loved them so much.  Even when they were rascals... I just couldn't love them less.  And I know FULL well this did not come from my heart of flesh.  It came from the Lord's heart in and for me.  Being able to experience life with these children on a daily basis showed me more than I ever could have anticipated.  I still love these kids more than my own heart can understand.  All the while though, I knew it was a season the Lord was allowing me to walk through.  While I was fully capable (or at least I thought I was) I knew taking care of children in this context wasn't going to last forever.  I hate change, so naturally I didn't want it to end.  It was exhausting in many ways, and the life it was giving me wasn't sustainable long-term.  But I know that the Lord used that season to mold my heart into what was needed to teach...
Here are some of the sweet, funny, precious children that have been in my life in a major way.

Matthew Doudt Photography

And then this summer, the Lord literally dropped into my lap what I have been dreaming of all along.  A position at the school I have been longing to teach at for years.  I just knew the first time I walked in the doors of this school that the Lord had something for me there.  I didn't know what, I didn't know how, and I didn't know when.  So I waited.  And it was hard.  I didn't even know they were hiring, they called me!  I was hired less than 48 hours after the initial phone call.  I was hired in the grade I wanted to teach, in a position that is perfect for me, at the school I wanted to be at (they have two locations) and even knew many of the children and parents I would be working with!  I couldn't have come up with a better plan even if I wanted to.  It was purely a blessing from the Lord.  And I am continually amazed by His goodness.  I am currently finishing up my classes to get my teaching license (which I began about a year ago.)  I have always known in my heart I was going teach children.  I majored in education for a while and changed back and forth.  There is so much more to the perfection of this testimony.  Still not even quite sure how to put it into words.  My point is this: sometimes, I think God wants to see He can trust us with our abilities before He releases us into our gifts.  There are things He wants to develop in us to get us "ready" because I tell ya what... it's a wild ride!  He is faithful to complete what He starts in you.  So if you find yourself discouraged because you don't quite feel that you're doing what you were created to do... it's ok.  Focus on WHO He is creating you to be and not WHAT He's creating you to do.  It will all come together if you can just hang in there...